My History with Infertility

Pregnancy Test, Big Fat Negative, Follicle Stimulation, Infertility, IVF, Secondary Infertility, in vitro fertilization

My history with infertility began in 2011. My husband and I were eager to start a family soon after we got married, so we did what every other couple who is new to this stuff does – we had sex without protection and then ran out to the drugstore to buy a pregnancy test to receive the good news. (It is amazing how very little I knew about human reproduction those days!)

It didn’t quite work out that way. We didn’t get pregnant right away, and I immediately became suspicious. I had never had a consistent period in my life, and in the back of my mind I knew we were going to have problems. So, after multiple doctors visits, blood draws, and long hours waiting I was finally diagnosed with a “propensity towards Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)”. Not even sure what the hell that diagnosis meant, we started the fertility medication Clomid to jump start my ovulation cycle. And then we did it again the next month when that didn’t work. And again at a higher dosage. And again. Without a doubt, trying to get pregnant knowing that I was most likely infertile was the most depressing, shameful, and emotionally agonizing time of my life. I felt defective. Inadequate. Unworthy of calling myself a woman. And I had to contend with well meaning friends and family members who constantly wanted to know when we were going to have kids. In my mind, I punched everyone in the face who asked.

Eight months later, my husband got a new job, we were knee deep in trying to move out of state, and I was scheduled for a laparoscopy as a last ditch effort to utilize our insurance to provide more fertility answers. And then I found out I was pregnant. It was a shock, I was overjoyed, and 9 months later my son was born. And only recently have I realized just how miraculous that pregnancy was, because getting pregnant with a second baby has been much harder than getting pregnant with the first. Now that I’ve hit advanced maternal age, my ovaries have decided to stop producing viable eggs altogether. I knew it was a possibility we would have issues having a second child, but I really thought that I would become pregnant again naturally. After six months of trying on our own my gynecologist prescribed Clomid for three months at lower dosages. That didn’t work, and we were referred to a fertility specialist to start Letrozole and inseminations (IUIs). After three rounds of inseminations and almost a year and a half of trying, the doctor recommended in vitro fertilization. The big scary IVF that my husband and I are currently pursuing.

Early on I questioned whether or not we were moving too quickly into advanced reproductive technologies like IUI and IVF. They’re expensive, not covered by our insurance, and I wondered if my desire to have two babies no more than 3.5 years apart was worth the cost and effort that has been required on our part. I don’t have an answer yet. We are currently undergoing our first IVF treatment and our retrieval is scheduled for this Friday. In the next few weeks I am hoping to provide more insight into the process, our emotions, and our results as our journey to have one more baby continues.

2 responses to “My History with Infertility”

  1. Hey Nicole! Not sure you remember me, but I dated Nick back when you guys were all in the Rancho. Long story short I had a brief FB encounter with Nick yesterday and it reminded me of all of you. I also remembered you use to have a blog and did photography (which I’m starting to do myself) hence me finding your blog again! Anyways, I really enjoyed your comments on being a stay-at-home mom. I recently quit my job about 4 months ago to stay at home with our 7 month old daughter and it is by far the hardest and yet most rewarding job I’ve had. I totally laughed at your mommy tantrum post (guilty as charged, shame and all!). Anyways, I too struggled with some infertility stuff as well…It took us 7 months to get pregnant, than I miscarried, then thanks to NaproTechnology and the Clear Blue Fertility Monitor we got pregnant on our first try! Not sure you have heard about this or would be willing to look into it, but I recommend it because it helps to fix underlying issues of infertility and I know PCOS is one thing it can help with. Might be worth looking into to.

    I’m glad to hear that you and Garrett are doing well though! What state did you guys end up moving to? Do you still stay in touch with Kooj and everyone back in Lancaster? Also, if your ever looking for a fellow SAHM to vent to, feel free to friend me on Facebook…I’m always looking for more mom friends. 🙂

  2. Hey Megan!
    I do remember you, and I’m sorry to hear that you guys also struggled with having kids. Infertility is such a common occurrence that I wish people would chat about it more! I haven’t heard about NaproTechnology, but I will definitely take a look into it. Thanks for the recommendation.

    And congratulations on your baby girl!! That is wonderful news, and I will definitely look for you on FB. 🙂 We ended up moving to Colorado but still keep in touch with the Rancho. The Rancho is like our extended family that we only see on the holidays now. Jaja, hopefully we’ll get to see more of those guys as our son gets older.

    Definitely stay in touch! I too am always looking for more mommy friends!

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