I just found out that one of my friends is pregnant. And although I truly am happy for her and her family, I was completely heartbroken when I heard the news. Oh you can bet your ass that I kept my happy face on the whole time. I congratulated her and asked her all of the appropriate questions. You’re pregnant?! When are you due?! Do you guys know the gender?! You must be so excited! . . . But deep down inside I felt so, so very sad. And embarrassed. Why couldn’t I manage to have a healthy pregnancy? Getting pregnant and having a baby is something that women are supposed to be able to do. Right? This is a friend that has always said she was great with just one child. But now she is 5 months pregnant with her second. It’s not that I feel her pregnancy is unfair, it’s more like her pregnancy highlighted my own inadequacies and loss. I wish I was the one pregnant. I wish I was the one who didn’t know a thing about infertility. I wish I was the one who didn’t feel like shit anytime someone announced their wonderful news.
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