Sucker Punch

I just found out that one of my friends is pregnant. And although I truly am happy for her and her family, I was completely heartbroken when I heard the news. Oh you can bet your ass that I kept my happy face on the whole time. I congratulated her and asked her all of the appropriate questions. You’re pregnant?! When are you due?! Do you guys know the gender?! You must be so excited! . . . But deep down inside I felt so, so very sad. And embarrassed. Why couldn’t I manage to have a healthy pregnancy? Getting pregnant and having a baby is something that women are supposed to be able to do. Right? This is a friend that has always said she was great with just one child. But now she is 5 months pregnant with her second. It’s not that I feel her pregnancy is unfair, it’s more like her pregnancy highlighted my own inadequacies and loss. I wish I was the one pregnant. I wish I was the one who didn’t know a thing about infertility. I wish I was the one who didn’t feel like shit anytime someone announced their wonderful news.

baby announcement

7 responses to “Sucker Punch”

  1. Had the exact same announcement yesterday, on CD1!! The conflicting emotions are hard to deal with. I feel your pain xx

    1. Thanks Hanna for understanding! Yea, this baby announcement hit me really hard. I wish they didn’t suck so bad 🙂

  2. Been there! Totally legit feelings!! Thinking of you!!

    1. Thank you! I’ve been thinking about you guys too! I’m hoping your baby vibes rub off on me 🙂

  3. gratefuldaydreamer Avatar

    It’s so hard sometimes. Especially when you keep track of people in your social circle and most have children. The couples that don’t have children were to me, a small excuse to feel okay and not so alone. Well, the last of my married friends are all pregnant. My husband and I are the only childless couple left. I feel so isolated and broken. Why can’t my body just do what it’s meant to?!

    1. I totally understand what you mean, and I often wonder why my body can’t seem to do something that all of the doctors say it should be able to do. It’s frustrating. I am sorry to hear about your inner circle of friends all being pregnant. Please just know that your virtual friends know exactly how you feel.

      1. gratefuldaydreamer Avatar

        That was so sweet. Yes, we need to stick together ❤

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