Please, No Regrets

Deciding on whether to continue fertility treatment

I have done some serious soul searching trying to determine whether or not we should continue our chase for one more baby. In the beginning, I was worried about having an only child. Then I was petrified of having another miscarriage. And lately, I have been struggling with the loss of control that infertility brings. And to be honest, I fluctuate with all of these issues on a daily basis. Some days I think I could be perfectly happy with an only child, and other days I have to constantly remind myself that there are no guarantees in life. All of these issues plague me to varying degrees, but there is one question I can’t ignore – Will I regret not trying? If we stop treatment right now, with three frozen embryos waiting to be implanted, I’m afraid I will always wonder ‘what if’. What if one of those embryos worked? What if one of them were to develop into a beautiful baby boy or girl and we became a family of four? It is that question that forces me to stop and look back before I head right out of this shitty place called infertility. I can’t live with that regret. When this journey is done, whether we end up with a child or not, I want to definitively say, “we tried.” We tried our hardest, within our means, to have one more baby. So even though I have my doubts about continuing treatment, and I desperately don’t want to experience another miscarriage, I have to try again. I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t. So the chase is still on. And we’re still here.

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