nicole norstrud

So . . . I basically managed to convince myself over the weekend that the pregnancy had failed. Not because I felt cramps or started bleeding, but because every horrible scenario possible ran through my mind on repeat. I’m not super proud of it, but I’m scared. I want this pregnancy to work, and my anxiety keeps pulling me into this dark, caustic place. I didn’t know what to do so I called my reproductive doctor’s office, spoke with the nurse, and scheduled a sonogram. I think the nurse felt sorry for me and asked the doctor if he could fit me in. Thankfully he said yes, otherwise I’m not sure what mental state I would be in. And do you know what the sonogram showed? A strong heartbeat at 180 with the embryo measuring a couple of days behind. Nothing super out of the ordinary. I was so thankful that everything was okay, but this whole process of getting positive confirmation that the baby is fine and then freaking out has got to stop. Even my doctor told me to stop, and he made a couple of recommendations for therapists in the area. I need to go. More than anything else, I don’t want my own anxiety to have a negative impact on the pregnancy. That would destroy me. So more work to do on my end. . . *sigh*

Although on a positive note, I did manage to find a highly reviewed ob-gyn in my area, and I meet with him next week. Here is to hoping I can make it to next week without blowing up internally. 😦