I Didn’t Last the Weekend

Struggling with anxiety and taking deep breaths to calm down . . .

So . . . I basically managed to convince myself over the weekend that the pregnancy had failed. Not because I felt cramps or started bleeding, but because every horrible scenario possible ran through my mind on repeat. I’m not super proud of it, but I’m scared. I want this pregnancy to work, and my anxiety keeps pulling me into this dark, caustic place. I didn’t know what to do so I called my reproductive doctor’s office, spoke with the nurse, and scheduled a sonogram. I think the nurse felt sorry for me and asked the doctor if he could fit me in. Thankfully he said yes, otherwise I’m not sure what mental state I would be in. And do you know what the sonogram showed? A strong heartbeat at 180 with the embryo measuring a couple of days behind. Nothing super out of the ordinary. I was so thankful that everything was okay, but this whole process of getting positive confirmation that the baby is fine and then freaking out has got to stop. Even my doctor told me to stop, and he made a couple of recommendations for therapists in the area. I need to go. More than anything else, I don’t want my own anxiety to have a negative impact on the pregnancy. That would destroy me. So more work to do on my end. . . *sigh*

Although on a positive note, I did manage to find a highly reviewed ob-gyn in my area, and I meet with him next week. Here is to hoping I can make it to next week without blowing up internally. 😦

2 responses to “I Didn’t Last the Weekend”

  1. As I prepare for my upcoming IVF cycle, I stumbled upon your blog and read all of your posts since last October. I don’t know you personally, but you’ll be on mind in the coming weeks. I sincerely hope for nothing but a healthy and happy full term pregnancy for you and your family. The rawness and details within your posts have helped me better understand this entire process. I have a 2 year old daughter and feel blissfully ignorant for now as for what may come our way next month. Sending you lots of strength and hope especially during the coming weeks. I’ll keep reading as you post 🙂

    1. Thank you LB! I really appreciate your support and super positive response. I am so happy that I was able to shed some light on this process! It’s not the funnest thing I’ve ever done, but everyone gets through it. You’re going to do great during your ivf cycle. Just take it one day at a time!

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