I haven’t talked about my pregnancy symptoms, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had any. And the real reason why I’ve been avoiding even thinking about them is because that would be too close to celebrating this pregnancy. Which I know sounds a little crazy. I just don’t want to celebrate this pregnancy until I’ve come completely off of my meds and it is clear that everything is fine. So in order to curb my growing absurdity, I think I should mention them (hopefully as a form of self-therapy!).
Mostly, I feel extremely fatigued. It’s hard running around after a three year old all day when I want nothing more than to take a nap for five hours. Plus, the fatigue seems to come and go. Some days I feel like I’m at a good energy level and other days I feel wasted. And, I often have to deal with my general dismay towards food. I’ve only felt nauseous twice, but the idea of food often makes me feel yucky – especially at night. This baby appreciates healthy food, but that is hard to do because I have to muster up the energy to cook it in the first place. Sadly, you’ll often find me cooking the easiest (and not very healthy) meal so that I can at least get something inside my belly. And even though I have a food aversion, my belly and boobs are growing at an alarming rate. Even my husband noted that my boobs and belly looked fuller, and my husband hardly notices anything! I’m not sure how much weight I’ve gained, and I don’t want to know. I’m sure it’s a ton.
I know that I should celebrate every moment I have with this baby, but I’m not going to go nuts until a week or two after I’ve stopped my meds. At that point, I think I can stop protecting myself and really start enjoying the fact that I’m pregnant.
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