nicole norstrud

Dear Diane,

I am so thankful for meeting you through the mom’s morning out program, and I really hope that we can continue our play dates in the future. Because you know as well as I do how hard it is to meet mommies that have similar interests and so many things in common. It’s uncanny that we’re both engineers turned stay at home moms, both have sons, and have both struggled with infertility. When I had my miscarriage, you were the person that I turned to. You knew exactly what I was going through and how I felt. We both commiserated over the unfairness of having to suffer through the ivf process and then have our hearts crushed with an unviable pregnancy. You knew the horror that I was living through everyday, and we were bound together in our efforts to obtain one more baby. . .

But now I am pregnant. And you are not.

Our friendship is still there, but I feel as though we are now on two separate ships – slowly drifting away from each other. As my belly becomes more pronounced, so does the distance between us . . . And I don’t blame you for needing more space. I know that if I was in your shoes I would feel angry, envious, sad, and probably a little bit abandoned. I would most likely be doing the same thing you are doing now, and I want you to know that I understand. I want to be there for you, like you were there for me, but I realize that my very state of being makes it tough. Please know that although I am thankful for this pregnancy, I also feel sadness and sorrow when I think about how it has affected our friendship. So please take your time and do whatever you have to do to protect yourself. Because when this is all said and done, I still want to hang out and complain about infertility, our sons, and life in general. I want to be there for you and have you be there for me. I still want to be friends.

Your cautiously pregnant friend,  Nicole