Show Menu

Content

I can’t deny it, I feel content. For the first time in 5 years, I feel as though a subtle, yet heavy burden is starting to lift from my shoulders. And it has everything to do with the fact that I am done. Not that I am done with infertility – oh no, I will always be considered infertile – but that I am done trying to have children. I still have echoes of the stress, heartache, and doubt caused by my infertility, but I also feel relief at finally being able to focus on something else. As I look at my two boys, I have a distinct urge to…

Read more

Was It Worth It?

I have been asking myself this question for 5 years. Has the cost, the invasive surgeries, the heartache, the anxiety, and the sacrifices we’ve had to make been worth it? *sigh* The short answer is yes. Everything we have done on our infertility journey has been worth it to get our two boys. The long answer is maybe . . . maybe not.   I am acutely aware that our infertility story ended on a high note. We underwent surgery, had a miscarriage, and then ultimately delivered a happy, healthy baby boy. Not every story ends this way. I don’t know the percentage, but there are plenty of women whose infertility…

Read more

Um, I Think My Water Just Broke

Disclaimer I’m writing this post on approximately 4 hours of sleep. It may not be fully coherent . . . please forgive my ramblings. I blame all of this on my husband. While he was cutting tomatoes for dinner this past Sunday night, he nearly sliced the tip of his thumb off. He started yelling…

Read more

Waiting

Well, I’ve made it to 36 weeks, and I am actively waiting. Waiting for this pregnancy to be over. You would think that I would be reveling in the fact that I am pregnant, basking in the maternal glow before the storm of delivery . . . but no. Mostly I just want to be…

Read more

Oh Poo, How I Hate You

I realize that I haven’t written anything pregnancy or infertility related in quite some time (eek! Almost 4 weeks) but not for lack of something to say. Rather I have been full-on inundated in the horrifying reality of potty training. And it sucks. So . . . starting about 6 or 7 months ago when…

Read more

Imaginary Conversations

Okay, so please don’t think that I’m wacko, but I’ve been having imaginary conversations with my unborn baby . . . and it has really helped with my anxiety. Once the baby started kicking (and has subsequently refused to stop) my imaginary conversations have slowed down, but in the beginning my imaginary conversations were really…

Read more

Whoo-hoo!

I don’t have gestational diabetes! I was so excited yesterday when I found out that I immediately went and bought some sugar-loaded candy to celebrate. Not very smart, but damnit I wanted that candy! I also made some progress switching obgyns now that I don’t have to worry about any additional diabetic follow-up appointments. I’m…

Read more

When it Rains . . .Sometimes You Should Just Dry Off and Try Not to Freak Out!

So the good news first – I don’t have vasa previa!! Well, at least the sonogram didn’t show any tissue between the cervix and the placenta this past week. The tech mentioned that the baby moved from a transverse position into a heads down position, which could have pushed stuff out of the way – so I’m hoping that a no vasa previa condition is where I will stay for the remainder of the pregnancy. Although I’m still going to push for another sonogram around the 34th week just to be 100% sure. If nothing else, I’ve learned that you have to be your own advocate and push for extra…

Read more

Itchy Armpits and Drooling

I think many women who have suffered from infertility would describe pregnancy as a long awaited oasis. It’s a dream come true achievement that is filled with thoughts about baby names, nursery decorations, and expanding belly lines. But that’s not what it’s all about. Being pregnant is also about itchy armpits and drooling so horrible that you wake up in the middle of the night wondering how you managed to spill water on yourself . . . and then realize that all of that “water” is coming from your mouth. And sadly, this really did happen to me as I woke up in the middle of the night confused by…

Read more

In Memory

I’ve been sewing off and on throughout this pregnancy, and I’ve been looking for ways to let go of my anxiety – especially after our miscarriage. I wanted to honor the baby girl that we lost so that I could prepare myself for the baby boy that is headed our way . . . so…

Read more